I can’t help it, this feeling of homesickness for a memory. I am homesick for the garden my mother had in the front yard of the house we used to live in.
I am homesick for the contentment I felt while being down on my knees next to my mother while we tackled the weeds. There’s no such thing as feeling the dirt between my fingers while I live in this apartment in the heart of downtown. There’s no yard to call my own on which I may rest my bare feet among the cool grass.
I am homesick for those moments where we threw around the Frisbee, or passed the football back and forth on the front lawn. For the moments I could soak up the sun on the front porch, with a bag of sunflower seeds in my hands, and a sister nearby to share them with.
I am homesick, for that time, that place, and I dream about one day having a place to call ours. I dream about having a yard to walk bare foot on. A window with a decent view of the sunrise, because that’s where I’d want to be every morning, soaking up the start of a brand new day.
I am homesick for the creek behind the Church of God on Bowman street. I could never get enough of the peace and tranquility I felt walking along the trail beside the creek. Those moments where I felt as though I could breathe in the essence of God, my Creator.
The place where my whispered prayers mingled with the gurgling of the creek, and the song of the birds. The place where my spirit felt most at home. On that outgrown root beneath the willow across the creek.
There is one more thing that I am homesick for. A cockapoo we called Bella. Although she belonged to my sister, this loving, energetic bundle of fur had a piece of my heart. I include her because I’ve been thinking about her a lot these past few days. It’s been a couple years now since we had to give her up because of health issues we couldn’t afford to get fixed. I wish there had been a way to keep track of where she went, but all we could do was hope she went to a good home.
Still there is an ache in my heart. A wish that I could hold her close and remind her how much she was loved.