I’m Still Here

I look back on the past year and I am filled with a mix of feelings. There were things I wanted to do, people I wanted to see, and books I wanted to read.

2016 was the year that I decided I could be a professional photographer. I’ll be honest, it’s been months since I went for a good walk with my camera. It’s been longer since I attempted to get a client for my business. Frankly, I just felt there wasn’t any time.

I was in and out of the gym, wanting to get myself in better shape, but not wanting it enough to stay.

In the summer I discovered “Booktube”, a community of YouTubers who talk about their latest reads. It looked fun, so I decided to play too! I read more books in two weeks than I normally do in a month, and then I talked about them. But then November came and I haven’t read a book since.

When it came time for November’s National novel writing month; I knew exactly what I wanted to do. What I didn’t count on was the fact that I would overthink every memory and wonder if it was worth being included. I didn’t count on every distraction being a welcome one. Deep down I wondered if there was something I was missing; a piece of the puzzle to the memories and stories that make up my childhood.

For the most part, it sounds like I was my own biggest disappointment. But I would be lying if I didn’t also say that 2016 was a great year. While my husband struggled with his hours at work, and I continued working full time, the two of us became stronger. We had our fourth wedding anniversary, we don’t argue as much as we used to, and we’re trying to push each other to be the best versions of ourselves that we can be.

In spite of everything that I did or did not accomplish in the last year, I remain grateful to have my husband by my side. I can’t wait to see what the next year has in store for the two of us. Will 2017 be the year that I finally finish my should-be-a-movie book? I hope so! Will 2017 be the year that I push myself to get in better shape? I’m certainly going to give it a shot.

There are so many questions I have looking forward and answers that I don’t have. I just know that for now, while I am still here, I will enjoy the ones God has brought into my life. I will hold onto Him and know there is a plan in motion, even if I can’t see what it is.

I thank God that I am still here!


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