The Cap on Their Life

First, An Update

Hi! I’m still alive and kicking, as is the baby in my belly (any day now little one), and the toddler in his highchair (waving his plate at me as his waffle lays poked and uneaten on his tray.

Snuggling is not as easy as it used to be, but is just as treasured.

It’s been a while since I’ve written. The world has changed and most of us have had to become accustomed to a new temporary normal. One day I was working and joking with my coworkers about going into labour while I was in the middle of a shift. The next day my shift got canceled because of COVID-19 and then the day after that, I was laid off.

I was suddenly on early Mat-leave. My toddler got to have me home, all day, every day. I didn’t have to end the day with a bus ride home and ache from all the time on my feet. I thank God that my husband was able to get his Fortinos job in January. While he got laid off at his other job, he suddenly became an essential worker at the new job, and it saved our family while we waited for my EI to become established nearly a month after applying.

Emerson and I had to get used to Daddy being asleep for a good chunk of the day, and gone at night for the majority of the week. We are never truly alone, but his absence is certainly felt.

I Miss my Church!

Taken May 26th 2019, I didn’t know then how deeply I could come to love this community, this family in only a year.

Another change we have had to accept for the current season is that we can’t physically attend church. I miss my church so much, I miss the hugs and community. I miss the friendly faces. I feel like this pandemic has robbed my toddler of crucial social development.

I am blessed though, that my church hosts their online services every Sunday, and prayer meetings on Wednesdays. Not to mention the daily devotions my pastor does every weekday. I am so blessed by these.

Today was one of the rare days where I watched the devotional while I had breakfast instead of at some random part during the day where I wasn’t distracted or preoccupied with googling ways to induce labour at home and avoiding a repeat c-section at all costs.

Today’s Devotional Video

While I watched the devotional (shared below), I realized how easy it is to accept someone else’s failures and fears as a cap on our life. There are many times I gave up on something or didn’t bother pursuing it because someone in my life didn’t think I could. Other times I put that cap on myself because the process just seemed to complicated and I wasn’t sure how to proceed.

I remember having conversations with my husband about his dreams. When I met him, he was a sports writer for Bleacher Report. He would proudly share his readership stats with me and from time to time, have me read an article before it was posted. I did my best to be helpful with editing and encouragement, despite growing up completely disinterested in sports.

Then something happened. Several years into our relationship he was accepted into the college of Broadcasting and sports media in Toronto. I could not have been prouder of him! How exciting to be given that opportunity to pursue his passion. But then it all came to a crushing halt because the college wasn’t OSAP supported and not a single person in his life was willing or able to stand behind him with financial support.

My husband doesn’t write anymore. The cost of his dreams were too high and that cap got tighter with each passing year. But, knowing God, there is something incredible waiting for my husband.

What about my children?!

As I was repeating Pastor Brent’s words about not believing those lies about myself, asking God to forgive me because He never creates anything halfway or mediocre. I came to a somewhat of a revelation. I don’t want to be one of those people in my son, or daughter’s life that puts a cap on their life.

I cannot even fathom the greatness God has set out not only for my babies but for my husband and I as well.

God help me not to stand in the way! Open my eyes to the path you have set for me, give me the strength and wisdom to get out of the way. To get up when I stumble. To help my children and my husband find their strength and purpose in You! In Jesus’ name, Amen!

Please enjoy the video! There’s so much more where that came from!

Your friend, Margaret.